Shouldn't Be Here
by lostinthemusic6
Summary: He knew it was wrong, letting her come to him like this, knew she shouldn't be with him but at the same time, he couldn't push her away.


He felt her before he saw her and he shifted his postion on the hill he was taking watch on, the small camp that housed his family only a little ways below him. The wind around him picked up and his hunter senses kicked in, feeling that a storm would be blowing in soon. He felt her sit down next to him and he caught a flash of blonde in the dark as she adjusted her hair, something she did a lot of these days though he never commented on it, he knew why she was doing it, just as he knew why it was constantly down, never pulled back anymore.

"You shouldn't be here, Beth," he said lowly, rolling his shoulders slightly before he turned to look at her, his breath catching in his throat, just as it did almost every time he saw her since that day at the hospital.

"Do you want me to leave?" she asked softly, once again fiddling with her hair and he wanted to reach out, tell her to stop, that it didn't matter, but he didn't, knowing that it wouldn't make a difference anyway.

He didn't answer her question either, just turned back to scan the horizon.

They both knew the answer.

This happened almost every night he was on watch alone. She would wait until everyone else was asleep and then she would make her way over to him, sitting with him and keeping him company, giving him warmth and helping him to breathe just a little better. He knew it was wrong, letting her come to him like this, knew she shouldn't be with him but at the same time, he couldn't push her away, couldn't will her to leave him, even though he knew that it was only hurting him more.

"How long we gonna keep this up?" he asked gruffly, bringing his thumbnail up to his mouth.

He saw her shrug out of the corner of his eye and felt her eyes shift over to him but he kept his gaze ahead.

"Can't keep doing it forever." she said simply and he just nodded.

"I just wish you would stop blamin' yourself," she said then and he almost smirked at the annoyed tone in her voice.

He just hummed in response, his eyes squinting.

"I mean it Daryl," she continued and this time he turned his head toward her, his eyes locking in on her own, fierce and blue, and nearly taking his breath away. "What happened, any of it, all of it. None of it was your fault."

"I shoulda done somethin'," he replied, his tone harsh but she knew it wasn't directed at her.

"You did." she assured him, smiling lightly once he began to shake his head.

"Not enough." he whispered roughly.

"You did." she said again, this time turning and looking out at the field in front of them, but his gaze never left her for fear that if he turned away, she would be taken away again. "It was you, ya know. Everything you taught me, its what kept me alive in there." she whispered though her voice was still fierce.

"Still not 'nough," he whispered, shaking his head and she smiled softly, turning back to look at him.

"You saved me Daryl Dixon, don't ever forget that."

She brought her hand up and he didn't flinch, didn't blink, didn't even breathe as he felt her hand softly cradle his cheek.

"It's not your fault." she reminded him again, another one of those things she had started to do since that day at the hospital, coming to him, reminding him that it wasn't his fault, and maybe one of these days he would start to believe her.

Until then, they both knew he needed her, to remind him, to keep him from slipping back into old habits. He needed her to help him stay who he was, just like she had told him all those nights ago at that small moon shine shack.

"You're getting good at this," she said then, a small smile forming on her lips and he just grunted, his brows furrowing as he got the sense that maybe she knew what he was just thinking.

She nodded thoughtfully before she rubbed his cheekbone softly with her thumb and this time he leaned in, savoring her touch because he knew it wouldn't be much longer now. Her visits never lasted long and not for the first time did he try and reach out to her, to hold her, to keep her safe, with him; but just like all the times before, when he tried to touch her, he felt nothing.

"Pretty soon, you won't need me at all."

He squeezed his eyes shut tight as he heard the deafening sound of a gunshot and he flinched as he felt her blood splatter on his face. When he opened his eyes again he found himself sitting on the hill, alone once again as the night sky began to flicker with lightning, a low rumble of thunder in the distance. He felt the rain begin to sprinkle down, pecking his face and as the wind blew, shifting his hair around his eyes, he swore he heard her voice again.

_I'm not gonna leave you._

He knew she never would.


End file.
